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This entry was originally posted at http://zenithdancer.dreamwidth.org/520316.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Kidney stones (or the bane of my life)

 Off back up to my second home in Yorkshire tomorrow (sunday) aka Pinderfields Hospital. My third kidney stone operation there should be happening on monday and hopefully this will be the last one i need for several years at least, with the frequency i develop them i don't think i will ever be completely free of them sadly. Anyway yes hopefully this stay won't be anywhere near as nighmarishly long as my stay a year last march/april where a 1 week stay turned into 6 weeks of hospital food! This time they're going in via my stoma rather than keyhole into my kidney so that alone should shorten my stay, well that's what i keep telling myself every time i start to panic anyway. It will be fine i'm sure and at least i'll get a few nights of comfortable sleep in a bed rather than on the sofa which has to be a good thing at least. Sure do wish i could take my woofs with me though...

This entry was originally posted at http://zenithdancer.dreamwidth.org/520110.html. Please comment there using OpenID.


Looking something up quickly on LJ turned into a night spent reading old entries, remembering things i'd forgotten i'd put and yes revisiting some old hurts as well as some good things, seeing me talk about the decline of my mental and physical health so long ago makes it seem so surreal that it's been going on for so long. Writing about tests needed & had before going on a waiting list and just going on to slow release morphine back in Dec '05 when i then didn't get the operation it was all leading up to/i needed until October almost 4yrs later is madness, how did i/we do it? It seems like the operation was ages ago when it was in fact only about 8mths, i guess that is the answer, time passes so fast and you do just do it, you get on with it and live you life day to day, month to month. 
Looking back so much in my life has changed since i first started my lj back in 2002 a lot of it for the better but some for the worse and looking back, rereading those old entries does make me wistful for what i had then especially in terms of health/ability but also of the people i was around some  of those are still in my life, still in touch but others aren't and some of them i miss despite the fact they've not been around during the worst bits. 
Anyway just rambling here.....

This entry was originally posted at http://zenithdancer.dreamwidth.org/519541.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Ovarian cysts....bah!

Ow ow ow, if its not one thing its another! Been in really bad pain with my ovarian (dermoid) cysts today, well one side anyway, that's the down side to removing the big source of pain once its gone it reveals what else it's been masking. I hope this pain settles down soon as oramorph is barely taking the edge off it and i've now resorted to a temazepam to see if that will do something, even if i can get some sleep for a few hours that would help. Bah i hate my crap body!

I need to try and get some replacement drugs for the duphaston i used to take as they used to regulate my cycle for periods at a time anyway and lesson the monthly pain with ovulation and these cysts, i really can't let it go back to being as intense as it was pre-diagnosis as that was awful, pain virtually all month and random periods of throwing up for no reason at all (unless it was just the intensity of the pain making me sick). I really do hate my body, why can't it let me enjoy being painfree/managed pain for at least a while huh? At least i feel better in myself most of the time now the bladder and the gunk that was filling it is no longer poisoning my body. Once we've (eventually) had a baby i really do think i will end up getting them to remove my ovaries and therefore my cysts (one can't go without the other unfortunately due to the position and size of the cysts) hopefully they'd even agree to remove them right after the c-section which would save having yet another abdominal operation to remove them later. Ow ow ow pain please stop and give me a break!

Catch up

 I haven't written on here properly for so long now, facebook is too addictive with all its games and simple status posts etc but it also doesn't allow people to really see what it going on in peoples lives, when you have a big friends lists even using filters to view friends and family means you still end up missing what people post as it so quickly drops off the end of the page and that means i'm missing out on peoples lives that i used to hear about all the time, but also coming back here i quickly see that a lot of people aren't posting here either so i dunno... I do however want to post more here although its not the best of timing for grand plans now that i'm due into hospital again soon, oh well!

My life at the moment? Still in Shrewsbury surrounded by the zoo and my fabulous wifey Ruth, still on tons of painkillers for various body pains but hopefully will be able to at least reduce what within the next few months. Since coming out of hospital in April my health has not been good, sleeping all over the place, little to no energy, difficulty in transerring and lots of pain when up in my chair despite the drugs means i can count the number of times i've been out the house since then on two if not one hand. Aside from one day we managed to get out and take the dogs for a walk together in August i haven't been out the house since my birthday back in mid July, yep thats how bad things have got to. We're hoping to try and get out to Attingham Park today though (and hopefully for a meal out as well) as i feel trapped, i need to get out of these four walls i'm sick of only ever seeing the living room or the bathroom! 

September the 29th i'm going back into Pinderfields Hospital up in Wakefield and 2 days later on the 1st of October i should be getting my operation to finally get my bladder removed and i think also have one of my kidney tubes replaced with part of my bowel to replace the narrowness which is why i've had so many problems with kidney stones over the years, the kidney tube bit makes it an even bigger op though and i've not had any confirmation they're still going to do that aside from what they said when i was last in hospital so i dunno if its happening or not but the main thing is to get my bladder taken out as doing that will get rid of the bladder spasms and horrid gunk etc and should hopefully mean i'll have less pain and therefore be able to be on less morphine at least. I don't know how long i will be in hospital this time but hopefully not the 6 weeks i was in earlier this year! I've been trying to get this op for 5 years now so it's been a long time coming but i'm also realistic in that i know it's not going to solve everything and i'm going to have to work at getting well afterwards at least i have a target to aim for though if we're ever going to have a baby of our own then i need my health to be as well as it can be beforehand.  It's been an endless battle against the bladder stuff these last few years so hopefully with that gone it'll allow me to see how much else is going on, i know the skeletal stuff in various places will raise its head again so i will need to get on and get an appointment with wheelchair services so that i can try and get at least a better seating system for my current chair if not a new chair altogether. I also need to try and chase up getting hoists in the lounge and upstairs which is a referal which has been waiting for way too long now but given how brain dead i am on the morphine most days and my irregular sleeping its imposible trying to chase these people up within the few hours a day window of opportunity that debbie is in to help. But without that referal and hopefully some funding for it its not going to happen, we don't have the money and Ruth extended the mortgage and maxed credit cards to pay for my bathroom especially as come the end of October she leaves her current contract and will be starting working from home on website design and the Salon Alchemy system. 

Anyway i should get some sleep even though i'm not tired as i've been zonked out on morphine all day long *sigh* 
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And this photo proves it! lol

It is cute how she's having a snooze on the cuddly giant st bernard given her hate - hate relationship with Pepsi though.

Swine flu

 No PA today she's been quarantined at home due to possible swine flu (she came back from New York on monday), before she rang this morning to say she was going to the dr's (they told her to go in despite everything & were pretty useless tbh) i already had the aches/heady feeling/cough like i was getting a cold/flu but now don't know if i still feel it as it is really there or if its just paranoia! *sigh*

It's useless trying to find out *real* information on the net, the symptom checker has an option for if you've been out the country to an infected area on their list (which new york city is one) but not for if someone you know has been there. Our gp (i have the same one as Debbie) was absolutely useless with giving her info as what i should do given my health/immune system or what she should do about her other job at sheltered housing for oap's and couldn't even answer if her husband should come home from work and be in isolation as well (he went to new york as well). What is the use of all this scare mongering and info on the news etc if even the dr's don't know what they should be doing about it huh? All the dr did was take nose and throat swabs from debbie and tell her to go home and take paracetamol and to call back about her swabs in 48hrs (which'll be the bank holiday so they won't be open anyway *sigh*), they're not handing out tamiflu which as Rick pointed out (and it says in the governments info leaflet) is stupid as tamiflu needs to be taken within 48hrs of symptoms starting to work best. The left hand really doesn't know what the right hands doing in this country when it comes to this flu, really it doesn't!


My stay here has been rather longer than planned (4 weeks today i've been in) but hopefully the (first) end is nearly in sight! On this coming monday i'm due to be having a repeat of the keyhole operation i had done almost 4 weeks ago this is because although they managed to break up and remove most of my kidney stones there's still two small stones left that need removing on my left side. Once this is done i should then be able to have the drain in my side, which has been there since the first op and so is majorly doing my head in by now, clamped before having it took out and so i may just make it out by Easter if not at some point that weekend! 

I will be so so glad to get out of here!!! 

I've still got to come back at some point soon so that they can do a rather large combined op to remove my bladder and extend my urostomy to replace the narrow part of the tube from my kidney which they've found whilst i've been in this time, but even so i don't mind i just want some time at home with my beautiful wife and my woofers so i can get my head together ready for my next stay here.

Btw my twitters are no longer being imported to lj, i'm still using it but stopped the imports due to them annoying people and not having the web time at the moment to sort out/set up how to filter them (i have found instructions though)

My Twitters....

The tweets of a crazy animal woman.....

  • 08:07 Yay its sat'day which means my weekly quota of visitors ie ruth will be here soon! Don't think i'm up to goin out later for food but will c. #
  • 08:10 I think breakfast will be coming round soon i can smell the odour of burnt toast which usually signals its arrival! Dam its cold today here! #
  • 08:26 I wish i could log into lj so that i could read my flist an comment etc, i managed to log into fb 4 1st time y.day but lj still won't let me #
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i'm sorry piggy
Sonia - babe on wheels!
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